Claudia and Jamie Kincaid recently emerged from the Conshohocken IKEA bleary eyed and more robust than when they entered earlier this month. Their frazzled mother herded them to into the backseat of her neglected family station wagon and drove off in a storm.

Fortunately, the Banner had a chance to sit down earlier and talk to the two children about their adventures.

“I had twenty three dollars saved up and I took all of my younger brother, Jamie’s, tooth fairy money to run away to IKEA. Why? My mother refused to order a hanging bubble chair for me from the catalog. I am not stupid, I knew I could not afford one on my own, but I remembered one of the sample rooms at IKEA that had one hanging.”

Early the next morning, Claudia took the bare necessities: Tide laundry-detergent pods, her life savings, and her younger brother Jamie to the curb where they got a ride with a man she found on Craigslist who was looking for some company on his way out to the furniture mecca.

The two remained at IKEA for two weeks, surviving off of Swedish Meatballs and human contact from the children in the daycare center. Though not recommended by most parents, both children involved seem to have enjoyed themselves. Jamie, 9, commented, “My Nintendo DS ran out of battery the day that we got here,” and shamefully ducked his head into the car.

Unsuccessful Amber Alerts and exasperated parents are no fun, but unlimited bubble-seat access and a Rosetta Stone-esque crash course in furniture names is. Next time you are feeling that teenage angst bubbling inside of you, IKEA will always be there.