Why we think Dan Olivieri is cool: he does wall sits in the middle of the hallway and occasionally stands up in class to give a five minute speech about the third century AD. This kid does not let anyone stand in his way.

Emily: What is love?           

Dan: You know when it is cold out, and you put your hand in someone else’s, and you think your hand is really cold, but the other person thinks their hand is really cold. But to each of you, the other person’s hand is warm. That is physically impossible because one should be warmer than the other. But you feel like you can’t give happiness to them, because you’re not as warm as them, and they think they cannot give happiness to you, but in a way you sort of give happiness to each other.

Tess: Why do you switch letters around?

Dan: I decided a while ago that I would rather be interesting than make sense. It might be annoying, but it is more interesting.

Tess: Which kind of apocalypse would be the most terrifying?

Dan: Well, the feline apocalypse would be catastrophic. The clown apocalypse, terrible. But the most terrible kind would be the hamster apocalypse. We’ve been training them for so long to run for so long and so well, that they will be able to create their own power with the windmill type things, and pretty soon they’ll be mechanized, lead by a charismatic leader known as McHamster, and we won’t be able to touch him because you can’t touch that. Which will be terrible and we will all be eliminated.

Annika:  How do you make science fun?

Dan: Intentionally pronounce everything wrong. Do hall sits during your lab period. Change every instance of the word element to magical pony, and have a whole table of magical ponies to memorize. It’s very important to make sure they’re not My Little Ponies because everyone will then hate you.

Emily: What is your opinion on Bronies?

Dan: I’ve never met one that I know… But we should try to live in peace with them if ever possible, because Brony violence is tearing our country apart.

Annika: Cake cones or Sugar cones?

Dan: I would say sugar cones because then you get the best of both worlds, oh darn quoting Miley Cyrus accidentally, a bad habit. Overall I would say sugar; okay I always think that the cone is best part but without the ice cream it’s actually terrible. It’s like cardboard, which admittedly is actually pretty good.

Emily: What is your favorite accessory?

Well, a lot of people use gel to gel their hair, but I gel my eyebrows, not very often but sometimes. It’s never as impressive as I want it to be.

Tess: What is your ideal date?

Dan: Any day I spend with Peri.

Conclusion: Jokester and pun master, the coolest kid to roam these halls, roman buff, and all around master of swag. This is what makes Dan Olivieri the first ever Ram of the Week.