What are we to do now that Harriton’s dear breakfast table has increased the price of their muffins from $1.00 to $1.50? As junior Samantha Eisner so eloquently stated, “the magic of the muffins is that they are one dollar!” Fellow Harriton attendees, we are in the midst of the worst economic crisis to plague our halls in LMSD history – The Muffin Panic of 2014.”

Once upon a time, hungry Harriton students could purchase a muffin daily for a total of $5.00 per week. According to our calculus students, muffin-buyers now need to set aside $7.50 each week to finance their morning cravings.

Allegedly, when softball was running the table last week, an executive decision was made to increase muffin prices by 50% due to minimal profit. Science Olympiad decided to continue this preposterous action. In addition to selling the Costco muffins we have all come to know and love for $1.50, unfamiliar muffins, which have been described as, “small, dry, and frankly upsetting,” are also being sold at this abominable price.

How did the Harriton community take this tragedy? Senior, Paavali Hannikainen, said, “I feel outraged! I usually only have a dollar with me, it’s a tragedy because I can’t afford the delicious muffins.” Jack Veasey, a junior, concurred by exclaiming, “Oh I’m outraged. It’s ridiculous. I’m done buying muffins until they go back down to one dollar.”

Sophomore, David Naftulin, considered the practical effects of the catastrophe and shared, “I think the price increase is ridiculous. Teenagers already have stretched budgets and increasing the price only intensifies that issue.” Overall, most students are not handling this price increase well.  Julia Govberg, a sophomore even went so far as to say “It’s a disgrace to the human race! People will do crazy things to get the muffin prices back.”

When asked to comment on the inconsistency in pricing, Emma Seymour, a senior, proclaimed, “I believe the prices for everything need to stay consistent from week to week, no matter what organization is running the table!” Her plea for justice surely echoes the thoughts of many others.

The Muffin Panic of 2014 is not only affecting muffin-buyers. Junior, Heather Marshall, confided, “I don’t even buy muffins and I hate the increase! I can see how it’s negatively affecting my muffin-buying classmates.”

Should angered breakfast-table-goers wage a “War on Muffins”? Although declarations of war on abstract nouns have proven unsuccessful in the past, it is clear that Harriton students cannot let this injustice be ignored. The morning is a busy time for high school students, and breakfast does not always fit into the routine. Until now, the miracle that is the breakfast table has tamed mid-morning stomach grumbling for a reasonable $1 per muffin. In this time of sheer uncertainty, whom can we turn to? Who can we trust? Certainly, not the muffins.