Michael Walsh: I worked in Primo Hoagies with Jared Johnson.
HB: What’s your favorite hoagie?
MW: I actually really didn’t like a lot of them. I made myself garlic bread.
HB: So you like, made food?
MW: Yeah I made food.
HB: I don’t know if I trust you with that. Did you spit in anyone’s food?
MW: No! I almost did. This one lady, like, I put mayonaise on her sandwich because she asked for mayonaise, and then she came back before opening the sandwich claiming that I didn’t put mayonase on it. I was ready to fight her. She was the worst human being I’ve ever met.
HB: [Laughs] So, what do you think about when you run?
MW: Pretty girls, mainly. It depends.
HB: Whats the weirdest rumor you’ve ever heard about yourself?
MW: I don’t really get rumors started about me. I’m kind of a cool kid.
HB: Do you start rumors about other people?
MW: I start rumors about myself.
HB: Like what?
MW: I said I was an Abercrombie and Fitch Model. I told people it was when I was a little baby, because all babies look the same.
HB: Smart, that’s actually smart.
MW: I know it’s really smart, I’m a genius.
HB: What are your opinions on the recent healthy changes to the cafeteria?
MW: This is ridiculous, but my underground pop-tart trade is about to blow up. I am seriously like, okay don’t tell them it’s me that is selling all the poptarts, but if you want anything but blueberry, hit me up.
HB: What’s the biggest perk of being a senior?
MW: I dunno, I haven’t really indulged in any senior privileges yet.
HB: Well what are you most excited for?
MW: Ooo. I dunno? Oh, getting into college, so then I don’t really have to do much.
HB: Are you one of those people who likes getting asked about college?
MW: I’m kind of into it, because I will say I’m applying to better schools than I really am. I’m fond of telling people I’ve already been asked by Harvard to come to their school, and people are like “Oh my god you must be a genius”. And it’s like, “No, I’m of very average intelligence.”
HB: What’s your go to snack?
MW: Oh my goodness. Cheez-its.
HB: Do you believe in Big Foot?
MW: I know Big Foot is real! I had a run in with Big Foot. My aunt lives in Wyoming, so I go out there to ski and what not. So I went out there one summer, and there was this really hairy fellow hiking, and she said it was just some guy but I know it was Big Foot.
HB: Who’s your man crush?
MW: Will you tell him?
HB: Yeah, it’s going to be in the newspaper!
MW: Sam Payne.
HB: Same.
MW: He looks like me, so I like him.
HB: What’s your favorite thing about skateboarding?
MW: There is no wrong way to do it. That’s kinda cool. Even when I mess up, it’s like I didn’t mess up.
HB: I feel like you need a certain level of proficiency before you can say that, though.
MW: I’m comfortable in my own skin, okay?
HB: Where is a place you really want to skate?
MW: Antartica. On the ice. Glacier skating, it’s gonna be a new thing. Okay ask me something personal.
HB: What’s your haircare routine?
MW: No I’ve never kissed a girl.
HB: Uhh… What’s your personal statement?
MW: Is this something I’ll be quoted on one day?
HB: Yes.
MW: Like my philosophy on life?
HB: Yes.
MW: Okay. Some days you are the pidgeon, other days you are the statue.
HB: That’s on a poster in my latin classroom.
MW: Shoot, I was hoping you hadn’t seen that one.