Is Santa for Real?

Lexi Harder, Staff Writer

Santa Claus delivers presents to all of the good Christian children every year on Christmas Eve. Let it be reiterated that yes, all of the good children means all of the good children receive presents.

Santa also accomplishes this in one evening. Even taking into consideration time-zones, that is still one intense journey that Santa Claus has to undertake every year.
About 33 percent of the world’s population recognizes the Christian religion, and about 30 percent of the world’s population is under the age of 18, the age that Santa caters to.
However, the percent of naughty vs. nice children is a decidedly subjective statistic, so let it be assumed that about eighty percent of children are “nice.”

The entire world population has just passed 7 billion. Let us consider that, for the purposes of this article, St. Nick needs to bring presents to a little over half a billion kids on Christmas Eve.

No mean feat to accomplish, Santa. Not to mention that he has to give coal to all of the naughty kids.

In addition, the gift-giving aspect of Christmas has separated sufficiently from the religious aspect to make the case that Santa, in fact, delivers presents to all children, regardless of religion.

It may be argued that delivering all of those presents in one night is simply not humanly possible. May it also be brought to light that Saint Nicholas started making appearances starting in the 4th Century, so it is also unlikely that he is even alive today, in the year 2011.

Flying reindeer, although widely touted as his main mode of transportation, also fall under the category of almost entirely implausible. If his highly daunting task, extreme old age, and transportation issues (being mythical and all) aren’t proof enough, it must still be concluded that Santa has some help on the gift-delivering front.

After all, he has to spend all year overseeing the construction of presents, as well as sorting through which kids get what they want and what kids get coal. After all, Santa knows when you are sleep and knows when you’re awake. He knows if you’ve been bad or good (so be good for goodness’s sake).

In the early days of his operation, St. Nicholas probably took the time to deliver each gift personally. It must be acknowledged that his operation has grown significantly, rendering that particular feat impractical.

Logistically speaking, Santa must have outsourced his efforts and created many branches of the North Pole, his alleged operating headquarters. This of course would require millions of volunteers, all who know the children very well. And who knows each child better than – the parents.

It makes so much sense. Parents spend every day with their children, and can report their actions back to Santa by a quick email or text message. If Santa can’t fit through the chimney, then, no problem, the parents can put the presents under the tree, which would explain the many parents who claim that Santa isn’t real.

They probably feel that Santa is taking the credit for their dirty work. Additionally, there ais a large enough number of parents in each community to account for all of the children present.

So, if your parents or any adults you know are feeling frazzled during the holidays, don’t be too hard on them. Santa’s probably just mad they haven’t filled their daily present-wrapping quota.