Rick Perry: A Decent Run and Better Run-On

Grace McKenzie-Smith, Staff Writer

The collection of 2012 Republican nominees this year is a unique run. The antics of Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Rick Santorum have not yet ceased to amaze and amuse. Newt Gingrich is still here (we’re still scared); Michelle Bachmann and Herman Cain have already dropped out of the race; and Sarah Palin and Donald Trump have as well, if they were ever serious competitors in the first place. The Republican primary is what separates the boys from men.

Each one of the candidates in this group has a special verbal style. Rick Perry is foremost among the noticeable. When he first entered the race, Rick Perry was an immediate favorite, doing well in the polls. Recently, Rick Perry came in fifth and sixth in the primaries of Iowa and New Hampshire, respectively, and his prospects are not looking good.

In the likely event that Rick Perry does not win the Republican nomination, his entertaining and severe case of foot-in-mouth disease will be missed. The fact that Rick Perry makes a lot of errors seems to be common knowledge at this point. Perry himself says, “I pray a lot because I’m prone to make a lot of mistakes.” There are websites dedicated to keeping score of all of the tragically hilarious things that he has said. In August, he attacked Social Security, calling it a Ponzi scheme. More recently, Perry came out with his political add, Strong Rick Perry, which is possibly the most offensive and politically detrimental video ever to be seen in America.

It appears that unlike George Bush’s Southern accent, Rick Perry’s handicap is one of the chronic variety which has existed for quite some time. In his book Fed Up Rick Perry tells the ‘inspirational’ tale of how he, a D student in high school, rose to become the governor of Texas.

A few memorable quotes from Perry to demonstrate his unmatched style:

“No greater example of it than this administration sending millions of dollars into the solar industry, and we lost that money. I want to say it was over $50 million that went to the country Solynda.”

“I will tell you, it is three agencies of government when I get there that are gone. Commerce, Education, and the – what’s the third one there? Let’s see… The third agency of government I would – I would do away with, Education, the…Commerce and, let’s see, …I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.” (The missing one is the Department of Energy.)

“Those of you that will be 21 by November the 12th, I ask for your support and your vote.”

“Bush did an incredible job, during his presidency, defending us from freedom.”

“You can always follow me on Tweeter.”

Rick Perry also seems unnaturally fond of the phrase, “I would suggest to you,” but is not nearly as fond of using it in the same way the average man might. He has found his own way to incorporate the phrase into sentences:

“Sotomayor, and Kagan, are both activists judges, and I would suggest to you that is an example of my concern about, I believe the Supreme Court should not be making legislative decisions and telling Americans how to live.”

“When I make a vow to God, then I would suggest to you that’s even stronger than a handshake in Texas.”

“I would suggest to you, let’s have that conversation. Is that one of the fixes? Get it back to the states. Why is the federal government even in the pension program or the health-care delivery program? Let the states do it.”

If the reader’s mind still wants more Perry, a quick trip to Google will show that he has had a past with the phrase “if you will” and “as a matter of fact” in very similar ways.

Despite the enormous charm of having Perry around, he has not had the best track record as governor of Texas, despite everything that he and his supporters claim. The debt of Texas has doubled since Rick Perry became governor, which doesn’t bode well for the US national, a major issue. The Texas educational system has grown worse in the years that Perry has been governor. Texas has the highest number of people without health coverage in the nation. Perry is a fervent supporter of the Death Penalty, with more than 200 people executed since he became governor in 2000. All good things must come to an end.