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Meet the Mr. Harriton Contestants: John Lautenbach and Will Hoffman

Ibby Maruca, Features Editor

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Today we bring you the first of a series of exclusive interviews with the contestants of the one, the only, Mr. Harriton 2017! John (pictured left) and Will (pictured right) are both seniors, and their enthusiasm for Mr. Harriton is contagious. With excitement and killer dance moves to match, will one of them be taking home the Mr. Harriton crown on February 24th? We’ll have to wait and see!

 

John Lautenbach – Senior

 Harriton Banner: What is a day in your life like?

John Lautenbach: I wake up late and scarf down some runny scrambled eggs. Next, I race off to school, where I mindlessly lug myself around for seven or eight hours. After that, I go embarrass myself as I dance at Mr. Harriton practice. From there, I go home and feast on dinner. I then look at my homework, decide to wake up early the next morning to do it, and promptly sleep in the morning after.

HB: Why did you try out for Mr. Harriton?

JL: I wanted my mom to speak to me again.

HB: Do you have a talent that cannot be performed? (i.e., a talent other than what you’re doing in the show)

JL: No, not really. Come to think of it, I don’t have much of talent that can be performed either.

HB: What is your favorite thing about Mr. Harriton so far?

JL: So far, my favorite thing has been learning all of the cool dance moves. Before, I could really only dab. But now I have a plethora of dance moves I can whip out if I ever find myself caught in the middle of a dance-off.

HB: Who is a competitor to watch out for (other than you)?

JL: I would have to say Jake Rome. I find myself watching out for him a lot, especially in the parking lot after school. Just ask my leg bruises.

HB: If you could choose the theme of Mr. Harriton, what would it be?

JL: I would have personally chosen presidential candidates who ran for office in 2016. I mean, who wouldn’t want to watch Ted Cruz hitting the quan across from Bernie Sanders milly-rockin’?

HB: Why are you the next Mr. Harriton?

JL: Because I bring a lot of humor and energy to the show, which I hope will be conveyed through my talent.

HB: What’s your favorite school activity/sport/club/etc. (besides Mr. Harriton)?

JL: My favorite activity at school is walking to the cafeteria during lunch and reading the late bird menu with excitement and anticipation. I’m always pleasantly surprised with the food being served. Mo never disappoints.

HB: Personal Statement? (this can be anything basically)

JL: I would like to take this chance to publicly ask the lunch crew to serve the Chimichanga late bird special more often. The Chimichanga is one of everyone’s favorite dishes, and I promise you’ll be satisfied with the results.

 

Will Hoffman – senior

HB: What is a day in your life like?

Will Hoffman: I start my day off like any other Harritonian, peel myself out of bed after being reminded that if I’m late any more times Marcuson’s going to give me an ankle tracker that tazes me at 6 am. Drive to school blasting “Mr. Brightside” to try and give me enough energy to make it through the day, but knowing well that I’ll be passed out in English by last set. Park my car at about 7:28, only due to extensive shortcut research that allows me to get from Narberth to the ‘Ton in eight and a half minutes. Complain about Nelson Agholor, and examine a bleak Eagles playoff picture for a good 10-20 minutes, which always concludes in semi-optimistic “But how ‘bout that Wentz”. I usually finish my packed lunch by the time morning classes are over, meaning I begin my search for the coveted slice of buff chick pizza during lunch, with my backup being deli bar. I typically indulge in a turkey and cheese with red pepper flakes. After school I go to Mr. Harriton practice and try to work on the dances without breaking any bones. That gets me through to pre-dinner-post-pre-dance-snack-meal, aka mini-supper, which is shortly followed by dinner. After showering, (I always shower at night, not morning, how can you go to sleep dirty, you animal), I start homework, which is usually around 11:30. I’m a big believer that the best sleep is the kind where you wake up face down in your history textbook; you really get a taste of what you’re learning (Ba dum tss).

HB: Why did you try out for Mr. Harriton?

WH: I’ve secretly always been uncomfortably good at Just Dance on the Wii, and I thought maybe I’d give this a shot.

HB: Do you have a talent that cannot be performed? (i.e., a talent other than what you’re doing in the show)

WH: I took parkour classes one time, like seriously, so I could do that probably.

HB: What is your favorite thing about Mr. Harriton so far?

WH: Honestly the free food.

HB: Who is a competitor to watch out for (other than you)?

WH: Noah Kerpal.

HB: If you could choose the theme for Mr. Harriton, what would it be?

WH: Founding Fathers.

HB: Why are you the next Mr. Harriton?

WH: Nobody loves Harriton more than me, I have tremendous respect for the judges, nobody has more respect for the judges than me. I know the dances, what kind of dances? The best dances.

HB: What’s your favorite school activity/sport/club/etc. (besides Mr. Harriton)?

WH: I play baseball along with fellow contestants John (“JBL” “#fearthebeard” “ACL” “german thunder” “#Iseeyouworking” “Klaas”) Lautenbach, and Jacob (“Jake” “Berbs” “10” “Berbers” “bumberian” “bugberian” “#preciousknees” “#bullpensquad”) Berberian.

HB: Personal Statement?

WH: All kidding aside, I’m ready to be your next Mr. Harriton, Harriton. Everyone needs a little more disco in their life.

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Meet the Mr. Harriton Contestants: John Lautenbach and Will Hoffman