The Ana-lyzer #2: Defining The Relationship


Ana Mihaila, Staff Writer

Welcome back, folks! This week we have another question from an anonymous reader. He asked, “how do you progress from being an acquaintance, to friends, to a relationship?”

Disclaimer: as much as I wish that I had a magic potion to make someone fall in love with you, there are no guarantees. Especially since you have to take into account compatibility and chemistry. 

Nevertheless, onto the four tips.

#1: Know yourself.

You can’t love someone if you don’t love yourself. Just joking, I’m not that cliché. By knowing yourself, I mean know your strengths and weaknesses. Are you kind, funny, or compassionate? Are you quiet, thoughtful, or a great listener? However you see yourself, you should know what you’re bringing to the table in a relationship.

You also need to be aware of the parts that aren’t the best sides of yourself. By being aware of what you lack, you can be aware of people who try to make you feel bad for those qualities. Someone may want to take advantage of you if they say stuff like “you’re crazy,” “why are you so naive?” or  “you’re so stupid.”

Yes boy, I know I’m crazy and naive, but I also know I’m other wonderful things . . . that I can’t think of at this very moment. But you probably can, and it’s valuable to know both sides because your limitations can also be your strengths. Okay, onward!

#2: Stalk Them! Ahem, I Mean Talk To Them!

This is really obvious, I know, but just bear with me. That cute girl or guy you’ve been eyeing across the room? Find a way to get over there! You can also use something like school or a mutual friend as a gateway for conversation. Start a conversation, and maybe share a cool story or two.

Pay attention to what the other person is saying and try to read their vibe. You’ll be surprised what you learn from a short conversation; you may discover that you aren’t interested in that person anymore because they’re super awkward or narcissistic or grandiose (happened to me).

But if everything is all sunshine and rainbows and you like this person even more after having a conversation, then it is time to up the game with some flirting! And remember, it takes people about one-tenth of a second to make a decision on whether they like you or not based on facial appearance, so be presentable and make it count! 

During the conversation, don’t discuss too many details about your personal life. Let them want to know more about you by showing your personality bit by bit. Leave an air of mystery.

In other words, this probably isn’t the best time to tell your crush about that weird family situation you have going on at home, or about your ongoing foot fungus. Save that for when you’re finally taking fun trips to the beach together and walking around barefoot a lot. They can’t leave you then!

#3: Spend Time Together Outside of The Classroom

This is the going-on-fun-beach-trips-together’ part. You might want it to be in a group setting if it’s outside of school; this can take the pressure off. Maybe a cool new movie just came out and your friends want to go see it with you. Ask that person to tag along. Frozen 2 is out, and although the theater will be filled with kids in their Elsa and Anna costumes, it could still be a nice and relaxed environment to hang out.

Don’t overthink your time together or make it a high pressure situation—just have fun!

#4: Affection or . . . Rejection?

You know, maybe you were misreading the signs all along: those pats on the back they always gave you, those sideways hugs, or even those excuses that they can’t hang with you this weekend because they’re “busy.” You may have been friend-zoned, my friend.

Or maybe you just asked them out on a date, and they gave you the “Oh, I’m sorry you thought this was something. I’m just not ready for a relationship right now.”

Are you still friends? Who knows? Do you get distant so your feelings can subside? You probably like them too much to do that. Do you just pretend it never happened and act in total denial (I usually aim for the last one)? But I understand this is a sticky situation, and it’s probably in your best interest to distance yourself. Ugh. 

Although these rejections are painful, embrace the heartache and use it as a learning experience to try not to brush off clear friend-zone signals, so you don’t give yourself false expectations. And if your crush rejects you, it does not mean there is something wrong with you personally (well, in most instances).

It may be that you just weren’t compatible with that specific person, and that’s okay. Learn how to spot that from the get-go next time around. 

But if your crush agrees to be in a relationship with you for a bigger reason than just dragging you around for his/her own ego, as many immature high schoolers do (also happened to me), then congratulations on your new romantic connection; you made it!

Just a heads up readers! If you have a love or lifestyle question that you want the Ana-lyzer to answer, be sure to email Ana Mihaila at [email protected]. Questions will be anonymous to readers.