Our Student Council President’s Words to His School
[APPLAUSE]
Thank you, thank you so much. Mr. Principal, Madame
Vice-President, thank you. Please be seated.
A few days ago, I witnessed some of Harriton’s bravest men,
fighting for the pride of our school, and the honor, of our people. Mere hours
before the worst natural disaster to ever strike our semi-sovereign school,
these fearless souls donned the shoes and socks of victory. They worked
together and demolished our rival,
LM.
[APPLAUSE]
In a humane way, of course—we do not violate the Wynnewood
Convention. But demolished
nonetheless.
And could you—hehe, thank you, you’re too kind. And could
you imagine what we could accomplish if we all
worked together, like our heroes on the football field? I mean, picture Michael
Schaffer’s head, fused to the torso of Dimitri Koukos, and attached to the arms
of Pat Moriarty, with Max Norris’s legs. With this kind of unity and
solidarity, we could maintain and solidify our standing as the greatest school
in the world for decades to come.
[APPLAUSE]
I know that these past several days were dark ones,
Harriton. Many of you were confined to the Internet on your smart phones, until
they, too, went dark. Some were without power for hours, and the damage was
severe. But we made it through, Harriton. And we have much to be proud of.
Senior Max Norris qualified for and placed fourth at the State Cross
Country meet in Hershey, PA. Clearly, I’m not the only one who can run for something!
[APPLAUSE]
Harriton’s senior class gave rise to dozens of Commended
Students and Semifinalists in the annual quest for National Merit Scholarships.
[CHEERS]
Our Spirit Week was extremely well attended, with the
most popular day being Formal Thursday; in fact, a bill is being drawn up
proposing a weekly designated Formal Friday.
[THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE]
And as I mentioned earlier, our football team soundly
defeated the inferior Lower Merion.
[WHOOPS AND JEERS]
I know that these past several days were dark ones,
Harriton. But we are stronger. The state of the school will never be in
question, because we work together.
We learn together. And sometimes, we
take tests together.
[CHEERS]
Thank you Harriton! Good night, and thank you.
[CHEERS & APPLAUSE]