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The School Newspaper of Harriton High School

The Harriton Banner

The School Newspaper of Harriton High School

The Harriton Banner

How to Not Write a Column

So this is a column. Without a topic. I guess I probably should have thought this out better before starting
to write, but c’est la vie. The Banner has such high standards that they’ll cut this if it’s awful. Luckily, I have the help of Facebook at 9:29 on a Thursday night to aid me in my quest for meaning.

Some responses of note to my “tell me something amusing to write about for the Banner!!!!!!” messages:

“I’m studying thermodynamics.”

“What is that, even?”

“I just applied to college”

“The hidden dangers of pajama day.”

“My econ homework?”

“I would love to help, but not right now. I’m in the pile-of-homework-nightmareland zone”

“I don’t really have any good ideas.”

Apparently, being a senior is stressful. Don’t believe all the hype; it seems to us here in the Class of 2013
that work continues even after you pass the 11th grade.

That doesn’t mean all of school is a buildup to the final year, though! I mean, it is in terms of linear time, but
every grade has its own merits.

Freshmen: you have a whole new experience and you’re no longer in middle school. Congrats!

Sophomores: I personally adore chemistry, so let’s start off with a giant CHEM!! cheer. You also get the
chance to start exploring the school and your own preferences, after you’ve adapted a bit.

Juniors: Trust me, the SATs aren’t that scary. Granted, I never took them, but that’s irrelevant. Yes, the work
builds up, but you’ll actually learn a lot and figure out where you fit in best. Also, be nice to the freshmen because you aren’t as far removed from being fourteen as you think.

Seniors: remains to be seen. May the Force be with us.

We aren’t all going to Harvard. We aren’t even all going to college. In fact, most of the “we” I’m hoping will
read this isn’t even a part of the senior class. Sorry that so much of the Banner involves college nonsense; all of the executive editors and editors-in-chief just happen to be in that joyous time of life known as the Application Process. To be honest though, it’s not that big of a deal. The worst part is being forced to hear everyone talk about it 24/7 and occasionally joining in with your own stats and status. Resist!! It’ll serve you well.

This column is coming dangerously close to approaching a purpose and topic. I’m not sure if I’m comfortable writing something this directed (just ask my English teachers past and present). If you’ve read this far, I’ll let you pet my kitten or something. Or just let you be satisfied with the glorious words of wisdom you’ve just absorbed. Whatever floats your metaphorical boat. And with that, one more tidbit from my Facebook inbox:

“I don’t care, but I think I’m addicted to checking Powerschool….”

 

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About the Contributor
Cassie Seltzer, Editor-in-Chief
Cassie Seltzer, Editor-in-Chief (Humor), is a Harriton senior who is very bad at bowling and is the Humor section editor-in-chief, among other things. She started the Banter last year and remains its editor to date. Proud owner of one cat and an enormous personal library, Cassie is ready to start making puns and bringing humor to the Banner 2012-2013!  

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